The HOLIDAY VOID: Coping With Loneliness & Estrangement During The Holiday Season
The HOLIDAY VOID: Coping With Loneliness & Estrangement During The Holiday Season
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and togetherness. However, for many individuals, this time of year can amplify feelings of loneliness, grief, and estrangement. It is essential to validate these emotions and to give and receive support to those who may struggle during this season. In this blog post, we will explore the challenges of loneliness and estrangement during the holiday season, the impact on mental health, and practical strategies to cope and prioritize well-being. By seeking support, fostering self-compassion, and embracing alternative forms of connection, you and I can navigate this challenging time with resilience and care.
It’s just like a cheesy Hallmark movie.
It’s all so picture-perfect.
It’s annoying.
But most of us long for it, ourselves.
Just like Instagram—it’s not real.
And just because you see families prepping for the holidays and taking family portraits in matching Christmas PJs…doesn’t mean everyone is happy. Family is rarely that simple. Rarely that healthy. So, keep your expectations and assumptions in CHECK as you observe the holiday season.
But my hope is that you can fully participate in this holiday season. You just need to make it your own.
Understanding Loneliness and Estrangement
Loneliness and estrangement can manifest during the holiday season due to a range of factors such as loss, geographical distance, illness, inaccessibility due to physical abilities, or strained relationships. (Strained to say the least.) We must acknowledge the impact of these experiences on our mental health and validate the range of emotions we may be experiencing. Do you cringe or become sorrowful when you hear Christmas music? Or when you receive Christmas cards with family portraits in the mail? Why specifically have you been drudging around like Scrooge? What cognitive distortions might you be engaging in? (One of the most common I hear clients share is the cognitive distortion of fortune-telling, jumping to conclusions, or making assumptions.)
And I’m going to bet there’s a handful more where that came from.
I get it. You’re hurt and can’t accept others enjoying the holidays. Or at least, you desire for what they have. What you perceive that they have. We rarely know what is going on behind closed doors. But even more than that. PERSPECTIVE and GRATITUDE make all the difference. Thankfulness is a posture of heart—not a pricetag or number of followers.
But you’re right. A welcomed hug or sincere Christmas card in the mail can make all the difference.
What if you started it?
Yes, you.
What if you made the first move?
What if you conducted a social experiment. What if you did something kind and festive for your neighbors, colleagues, family, and friends? Do you think anyone would reciprocate appreciation, kindness, or a holiday invitation? You never know until you find out.
But if you’re the person who is usually the one to put yourself out there, but only hear crickets. That can be so hurtful and harmful. You matter. You are special. You deserve to be known and loved. Don’t give up on connecting with others. Don’t write off everyone. There’s still a few good ones out there.
Psychological Effects
It’s not surprising that a lack of connection has psychological effects, often resulting in increased risk of depression, anxiety, and feelings of isolation. We lose a perceived sense of purpose, meaning and hope. If you continue to have an issue with these types of feelings for more than a few weeks, it may be time to talk to someone for support and to helkp you address these emotions. Or else you’ll implode.
Coping Strategies for Loneliness and Estrangement
Seek Support
Remember to reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups during this challenging time.
Practice Self-Compassion
Increasing studies tell us that self-compassion contributes more to our resilience than self-esteem and self-confidence does. (I’d insert my references here, but I don’t feel like it right now. Go do your own research. MWUAH!). That’s my form of self-compassion and self-care. BOUNDARIES. (Hah) So be kind to yourself. Embrace your imperfections—and others’ imperfections—and focus on how your growing and moving forward for the better. Listen to that inner-coach—not inner-critic. Invest in self-care practices, engage in activities that bring you joy and a smile, and prioritize your well-being. You can’t be the glue for your family—even if someone else put you in that role…Or you appointed yourself. It’s not your job to make everyone happy.
Create New Traditions
Celebrate this time on your own terms. Adopt new holiday traditions or activities that can help fill the void left by estrangement or loss. I encourage you to explore your interests, volunteer, or engage in creative outlets to create meaningful experiences.
Embrace Solitude
While loneliness can be challenging, it can also provide an opportunity for introspection and self-growth. I encourage you to embrace solitude as a time to reflect, engage in mindfulness practices, or pursue personal hobbies that bring you fulfillment.
Reach Out and Connect
There are others who may be experiencing similar feelings and situations. You are not alone. Seek out support groups, online forums, or local community events where you can connect with like-minded individuals if you’re unable to meet in person or in your area.
Volunteer and Give Back
Volunteering is a way to combat loneliness and estrangement. Engaging in acts of kindness and supporting those in need can cultivate a sense of purpose, connection, and well-being. It’s true. It’s better to give than to receive. Truly.
Focus on Your Personal Growth
Focus on personal growth during this season. Set goals, take up new hobbies, or invest time in learning that fosters personal development and empowerment. Go read a book. Your generation will thank you later—or rather, the generation after—if libraries still exist. (smh)
But honestly, we must acknowledge it may show personal growth if you have space and boundaries from unhealthy family members. Totally understandable. Just make sure it’s for legitimate emotional and physically safe reasons—and not just because there is a battle of jealousy or resentment from years ago. Forgiveness and letting go of resentment can go a long way. And like I said earlier, you can’t be the glue for the whole family. Do what you can to be fair and kind, yet don’t try to be Martha Stewart, Clark Griswold, or Santa Claus just to try to make everyone happy.
Practice Gratitude
The practice of gratitude is a way to shift focus from feelings of estrangement or loneliness. Try a gratitude journal, engage in daily reflections, or express appreciation for the small joys in life. Say thank you to people. Smile. Ask others about themselves. And even if they. trail off on a 15 minute explanation of Aunt Betty’s Fruitcake recipe. Listen. Really listen. They’re likely thankful you asked.
The holiday season can be a difficult time for those experiencing loneliness and estrangement, but it is important to remember that support and connection are available. By acknowledging and validating these emotions, individuals can take steps to prioritize their mental well-being. I encourage self-compassion, alternative forms of connection, and seeking support from trusted people. With time and care, you can navigate these challenging seasons, finding peace and renewed hope for the future. You are not alone.
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